Holy vulnerability hangover~ How do we release shame?

Holy vulnerability hangover! 

Yesterday, I woke up feeling like Jerry Macguire after he sent out his manifesto. If you know me, you know that anything “salesey” feels out of my comfort zone. And asking for support is even more uncomfortable. AND, God is asking us all to get really uncomfortable right now! God is inviting us to bring up all the fears and beliefs and shadows within us that are blocking us from our TRUTH! 

I cried so many tears the day after I sent my last email. 

I went from elation and excitement to feeling shame and all the fears of being seen. 

“But your medicine is giving everyone you meet the safe space to be seen, to be vulnerable, to be honest and appreciated.” 

This was the voice that kept speaking to me all day. 

I would go to the mirror, looking into my eyes, crying, and tell her what I was feeling. Ashamed, scared, unworthy. 

“All lies” she told me. 

Shame is the greatest lie I have been battling in this life. 

“Shame on you” ! UGH!!!  I must have heard that phrase 1,000s of times as young girl. Enough that I had this voice in my head that played in on repeat. 

“What will people think if you….. Sarah?”

“Good girls don't….. Sarah!”

I got to know Shame a lot better than I knew Sarah, for a long, long time. 

Enough so, that when I was raped I believed it was my fault. I must have done something bad to deserve this. Its my fault. I'm not a good girl and I'm being punished. 

Shame stole my innocence and put me on a path searching for love and acceptance from men and friends who would abuse me, betray me and steal the life from me. I kept my secrets for 17 years, festering and creating dis-ease in my body.

I stopped believing for a very long time. But I never stopped knowing. 

GOD IS LOVE. This is the God I knew. 

The version of God I battled with, the one who judged me, shamed me, cursed me, punished me, that version was a lie I was sold, the same way my father was sold that lie. And when my dad realized that lie, he left the pulpit to follow Spirit on a beautiful journey in loving service to the God of LOVE! 

I write these emails to myself and for anyone who will find comfort in my open heart. I never know if anyone reads them or if I am wasting my energy. But today I realised, its never a waste of my energy when I  share my Truth and keep my heart open. 

I woke up to hear that Sinead O Conner has died. She has been a hero to me in so many ways. Her voice was so brave and she wasn't afraid to be vulnerable and speak the truth. So many times I would speak my truth, share the visions I had or what was really happening in the world, and, over and over, I would have friends walk away or I would be cast the villain in their story. I know now that the most important thing we can do, is to be true to ourselves and be a voice of love and compassion.  I am reinspired to be more vulnerable and authentic in my own sacred truth. 

So,  I want to share a few things that support me to be vulnerable and share my heart! 

You must pass through your own suffering in order to transform. This is Alchemy. 

KNOW THIS: 

~ You are worthy ~

Beloved, you are worthy because you are a child of God, 

created by Creator by love, through love, to love. 

~ You are holy ~

Holy means to make whole. 

You need only REMEMBER who are and choose to BE YOU

to be made whole again. 

~ You are not the things that happened to you~ 

Everything you have experienced is the fertile soil for you to plant the seeds of your heart. What is you chose to believe that everything is happening FOR YOU? 

Recognise the 3 You's 

~ the you that others see

 (there are many version of you out there - who others see you to be is not usually the Truth of who you are. It is rare for someone to be truly seen.

~ the you that you believe yourself to be

Who do you believe you are?

What beliefs are a lie?

(a clue: any beliefs that include shame, self hate, unworthiness, doubt, poverty…. ) 

AND the TRUTH

~ THE YOU THAT YOU REALLY ARE~ 

YOUR SPIRITUAL SELF

WHOOOOOSH! 

Here is something to think about.

Your version of God tells you more about yourself that about God. 

You are made in the image of God

God is Love

Love is the reason for your existance

Prosperity and Love are your birthright

Love is your true identity

If you want to release Shame… 

simply remember who you are!! 

You are the Sacred Vessel of the Divine! 

How can you feel shame when you remember this Truth?!

I love you

I pray to be a loving space for you to feel safe to be seen, to be honest and appreciated. 

Come as you are.